That being said, I've really been feeling the tension of teacher-by-day and graduate-student-by-night lately. Ideally, my hierarchy of priorities would look like this:
1. Friend
2. Community member
3. Teacher
4. Student
Unfortunately, it looks more like this:
1. Student
2. Stress
3. Anxiety
4. Pressure
5. Friend
6. Community Member
7. Teacher
One thing I noticed as I looked over my daily highs/lows of this past month was that I was way too focused on creating the perfect lesson so I could get the perfect video so I would have a decent submission for my EdTPA and Key Assessment Video. For the past 2 weeks I've had my camera and tripod set up in the classroom and I've been recording mini-lessons, large groups, morning meeting and small groups. However, every time I pushed that record button I would immediately stress out if one of my students did something a little distractive or unkind. All I could think was, "this is such a poor reflection of me as a teacher". I noticed myself feeling angry and upset over my students' actions during "recording times". I finally had enough last week and decided to put away the camera for a while. I wanted to get back to the heart of teaching for me--which is the students. I'm reminded of a quote from Chip Wood's Yardsticks, paraphrasing, Wood says it is the job of the school to meet the developmental needs of the child--not the other way around. In other words, I need to be a good teacher to my students, and that might mean that I don't get to film a lesson for my key assessment. It is not my students' job to look good on camera. It's their job to have fun, learn about what they are interested in, be loved by their peers and teachers, and grow under a kind leadership.
Because I was so anxious and stressed about grad school related things, it made the highs of this past month even sweeter. My highs are all related to seeing the beauty of a child learning and operating in their identity. It always comes back to this idea that Freire talks about in Pedagogy of the Oppressed,
“For apart from inquiry, apart from praxis, individuals cannot be truly human. Knowledge emerges only through invention and re-invention, through the restless, impatient, continuing, hopeful inquiry human beings pursue in the world, with the world, and with each other” (Freire, 1970, p. 72).One of the biggest transformations I'm starting to see in my kiddos is directly correlated to my new "behavior management system". It's in quotes because for me it's not so much a behavior managing method, as it is a tool for me to notice and encourage my students in their learning and growth as young people. In the past I've used the clip chart to track behavior, however, I found it created more fear controlled behavior than positive reinforcement. Therefore, this semester I developed a chart that is circular. You are ALWAYS in a positive characteristic. Throughout the day when I (or my co-teacher) notice positive behavior in our students we verbally praise the student for their efforts and move their clothespin to that particular characteristic. We've also been discussing on a daily basis what it means to be kind, or honoring or responsible. It's not a perfect system, but it helps me notice the kids and find meaningful ways to celebrate what they are doing.
All in all, January has been a challenging month for many reasons. I'm so thankful to have the opportunity to be in this program at GSU--I've become a better teacher and I'm still becoming a better teacher. It's not without it's faults, and it is certainly one of the most stressful endeavors I've ever been a part of. But I guess I wouldn't change it. As Dr. Lynch says, "ONWARD!".
“Education must begin with the solution of the teacher-student contradiction, by reconciling the poles of the contradiction so that both are simultaneously teachers and students” (1970, p. 72).
