That being said, I've really been feeling the tension of teacher-by-day and graduate-student-by-night lately. Ideally, my hierarchy of priorities would look like this:
1. Friend
2. Community member
3. Teacher
4. Student
Unfortunately, it looks more like this:
1. Student
2. Stress
3. Anxiety
4. Pressure
5. Friend
6. Community Member
7. Teacher
One thing I noticed as I looked over my daily highs/lows of this past month was that I was way too focused on creating the perfect lesson so I could get the perfect video so I would have a decent submission for my EdTPA and Key Assessment Video. For the past 2 weeks I've had my camera and tripod set up in the classroom and I've been recording mini-lessons, large groups, morning meeting and small groups. However, every time I pushed that record button I would immediately stress out if one of my students did something a little distractive or unkind. All I could think was, "this is such a poor reflection of me as a teacher". I noticed myself feeling angry and upset over my students' actions during "recording times". I finally had enough last week and decided to put away the camera for a while. I wanted to get back to the heart of teaching for me--which is the students. I'm reminded of a quote from Chip Wood's Yardsticks, paraphrasing, Wood says it is the job of the school to meet the developmental needs of the child--not the other way around. In other words, I need to be a good teacher to my students, and that might mean that I don't get to film a lesson for my key assessment. It is not my students' job to look good on camera. It's their job to have fun, learn about what they are interested in, be loved by their peers and teachers, and grow under a kind leadership.
Because I was so anxious and stressed about grad school related things, it made the highs of this past month even sweeter. My highs are all related to seeing the beauty of a child learning and operating in their identity. It always comes back to this idea that Freire talks about in Pedagogy of the Oppressed,
“For apart from inquiry, apart from praxis, individuals cannot be truly human. Knowledge emerges only through invention and re-invention, through the restless, impatient, continuing, hopeful inquiry human beings pursue in the world, with the world, and with each other” (Freire, 1970, p. 72).One of the biggest transformations I'm starting to see in my kiddos is directly correlated to my new "behavior management system". It's in quotes because for me it's not so much a behavior managing method, as it is a tool for me to notice and encourage my students in their learning and growth as young people. In the past I've used the clip chart to track behavior, however, I found it created more fear controlled behavior than positive reinforcement. Therefore, this semester I developed a chart that is circular. You are ALWAYS in a positive characteristic. Throughout the day when I (or my co-teacher) notice positive behavior in our students we verbally praise the student for their efforts and move their clothespin to that particular characteristic. We've also been discussing on a daily basis what it means to be kind, or honoring or responsible. It's not a perfect system, but it helps me notice the kids and find meaningful ways to celebrate what they are doing.
All in all, January has been a challenging month for many reasons. I'm so thankful to have the opportunity to be in this program at GSU--I've become a better teacher and I'm still becoming a better teacher. It's not without it's faults, and it is certainly one of the most stressful endeavors I've ever been a part of. But I guess I wouldn't change it. As Dr. Lynch says, "ONWARD!".
“Education must begin with the solution of the teacher-student contradiction, by reconciling the poles of the contradiction so that both are simultaneously teachers and students” (1970, p. 72).
Lindsey, first I have to tell you how much I am OBSESSED over your circular noticing chart. It is pure genius. What an amazing idea to both keep you intentional about noticing the strengths of your students, but also making sure to see them in a positive frame and resist the temptation to find what is "wrong" with behavior instead of what is right. I think you are on to something really powerful and I can't wait to see where it goes. Is this connected with your action research? If not, it very well could be. It would make an excellent point to research and investigate. It makes me wonder what a chart like this would look like adapted for older students and how that could impact the culture of a classroom. Well done! I wish I had a lot of encouraging things to say about your lows, but all I can really say right now is, "I know girl." I am right there with you as I think most of us are. Thanks for speaking this truth in your magical way you have that puts my own feelings into words almost effortlessly. I am so glad you are in my cohort! ONWARDS!
ReplyDeleteFirst, I am definitely stealing your noticing chart. That is the most amazing thing ever! Lindsey you rock!!!
ReplyDeleteNow, I think you pretty much summed up how most of us are feeling right now. I have found myself having to regroup several times from the anxiety and frustration of not getting the footage I wanted all because my students are doing what they are supposed to do which is have fun learning. Know that you are not alone and that you have a whole community of people to turn to when feeling overwhelmed. We love you!
Lindsey,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your blog. I could really relate to how you feel your list of priorities are looking right now in life because mine looks extremely similar except for the fact that Wife and Mother are at the bottom of my list. It is hard enough to have a work-life balance and going to grad school on top of that makes it even tougher. However, on the bright side it is nice to know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and we will all make it through!
Also, I really love your new behavior management system! It is something that I will definitely consider implementing for next year!
Great post, Lindsey! I feel the exact same way, and it has been frustrating trying to capture every single moment on video. I feel like often times our attention is spent getting that prepared and less with what we could be doing with the children.
ReplyDeleteI love your new behavior chart...Such a great way to discipline in a positive manner. I really think disciplining in this way can gently guide our students in the right direction. Based on a lot of the readings in Conscious Discipline, I feel like students respond much better to positive reinforcement rather than negative.
You are such an amazing teacher! Thanks for sharing all of your insight with us.